Crush

Crush

“I’m heartbroken” she passed on that cliché dialogue to her friend one casual morning. After listening to the full story, her friend could not contain her laugh despite the apparent seriousness of the situation. “you just have a Lil crush on him, Jessica”, she chuckled “will pass soon”.

It all started with subtle eye contacts, at a coffee shop where he would visit regularly. Then they met at work. And, then the regular storyline: she began liking him and slowly every little thing he does has her attention. Now he would just walk into a room like any normal person and Jessica would say “oh damn, he walks so cute”. 

Well, this was not the first time she had had a crush on someone. But, this was certainly the first time any crush of her had lasted this long.  “of course, it is going to end like any other infatuation” she consoled herself. But little did she know that things were moving in a completely different direction she wasn’t even aware of. His little hi would make her day, his trivial ignorance would upset her horribly. He might just throw a simple social smile and that would keep her busy the rest of the day just thinking about him. And, the sad part was that the guy had no idea of the effect he had on her.

Not that Jessi hadn’t given it a try. She tried approaching him through texts and conversations at first. She made sure that she threw him some clue about how she was falling for him. But when he didn’t happen to have the slightest bit of interest in talking back, she suddenly realized she needs to stop straight away. How can it be forced after all? She wouldn’t have liked it herself if someone she is indifferent to is constantly nagging her to speak. She stopped texting him or talking off-topic to him at work. Jessi tried doing her routine tasks more enthusiastically to keep her mind off him. But the heart wants what it wants. There was hardly any moment when he was not in her thought. 

He wasn’t one of those astoundingly handsome hunks that anyone would fall for at first sight. He was a mediocre-looking guy. The only thing that was making her hard to forget him was that he was decent; very decent and polite. She had fallen for his kind behavior and chivalry and how beautifully he treats every person with equal respect. The irony that she had no reason to hate him; yet liking him further was only going to break her apart.

“That’s the beauty of crush”, her friend patted “you see him. You like everything about him. And, you let it stay there. Never make the mistake of going deeper. It might kill the infatuation. Or, you might end up falling in love.” Jessica clearly knew her situation. While the first possibility could have just saved her, she knew where she or more of ‘her heart’ was going with this.  She could not define if this feeling was a just crush or more than that. But whatever it was, it was affecting her very bad. She was making a conscious effort every single second to not think of him. Even at work, she tried not stealing glances of him but did it anyway. The ‘crush turned crazy love’ thing was affecting her more than she could take. And the fact that he didn’t even give a damn was even harder for her to endure. Jessi pondered on how to flee from this melancholy situation she got herself into. She distanced herself, she engaged herself, she did everything she could to forget about him.

And yes, eventually time heals everything. After all the efforts, she could feel herself getting back to normal; breathing freely again, smiling carefree again. She was gradually recuperating from the exhaustion she had caused to herself. Her crush story might not have turned to a fairy tale, but she learned to learn from the mistakes than regretting it, she learned to move on from what cant be achieved rather than lamenting over it. Everyone deserves to be loved back the way they love someone. Now, she is just waiting for the right person.