IF THE GREY WORLD WAS TANGIBLE

One day I asked my grandfather, ‘’What makes you happy?’’ During that phase, he was battling with the 4th stage of cancer. Grandfather replied, ‘’I am taking my last breath of life. I am really blessed to see my children hover around me like a child.’’ That answer striked my head, the answer had a piece of joy away from materialism. I have heard that in old age, a man becomes like a child who walks with support, teeth fall down, become dependent on people and the mind becomes a child. I'm convinced now but the only difference is that with ageing comes a lot of bitterness and helplessness. But this old toddler is neglected, unloved.

 According to my population book back in standard 9 or 10, old people are a burden to the economy but I had never realized they are considered as a burden for the whole family. They fear that their whole lifestyle shall change. Young ones are irritated of their unhygienic behaviour, murmuring until late night, waking up early and stuff that we often had to fight over the decision making process because of concept differences between generations which in their typical term is a ‘’drama’’. That's why, an old age home is considered the best alternative. I vividly remember how scared I was to stay in the hostel but still I stayed for the betterment of  my future. But at that old age, it shall be so difficult to adapt to this new situation, body difficulties and moreover nothing to achieve as a motivation.An old age home is never the best alternative to them.

 A common excuse is available in the market,  whoever keeps her will get the share of the property. How inhumane and disgusting it might sound but practically it might have some point. But all of a sudden, keeping family responsibility in the beam balance with property share might be economically balanced but it won’t create even a small scale of balance in the emotions, trust me. 

One funny thing I see as a trend in society is taking old people on religious visits. I agree many of them are retired and have free time but for example, take religious places in Nepal,  they are situated in high altitudes, in between the forests, far from good transportation facilities and are expensive, all of those which an older generation can't afford. You can’t expect when a person is above a certain age, the only way to divert your mind are religious trips.  

More importantly, the older generation people become the center hub for the garbage of frustrations of all family member’s own insecurities and disappointments. In addition, for children especially in abroad countries to pay a visit to their children and keeping them as their children’s ‘’nanny’’ is a new trend too. 

 Sometimes I stand in front of a mirror and scream if I see a growing acne on my face. Then I see my grandmother, wrinkled, languishing body, poor memory. I have seen my grandmother looking at me and saying, ‘’ I was very beautiful in that village, they used to say. I had a beautiful face, luscious hair, a fit body, a sweet voice and I looked very decent. I loved to dance. But we were  told that girls from decent households don’t dance, only bad girls and prostitutes if we make different hairstyles. With my age, beauty also faded.’’ These female movements, legal rights etc. were something they would have never imagined even in my wildest days. Technological dependencies of our generation are creating ‘’emptiness syndrome’’ in them. Many of them who are illiterate to Nepali language too are having difficult time to use even a phone to dial their children.

I do agree that the priorities are different in different stages of life but how can we abandon this old child just because of their inability to move with our pace.  It’s such an irony that love cannot be reversed, our hectic life, our busy schedule overcomes that lock of ‘’love’’ when it comes to old people in the family. It’s even more ironic that people who often visit old age homes for charity are unaware about the way they treat the elderly in homes.