7 DAYS OF HAPPINESS 3

JUDGEMENTS ARE INEXORABLE

Whenever I am posting a blog, I know people are going to assume something out of my writing, some might judge my writing ability, some might judge about my opinions, some might ignore it, some might at least open and end it scrolling all the way down, some might give time to read blogs, some might not like me as a person, some might have liked me, some might like me, some might have probable chances of liking, anything is on the cards. This is something that really bothered me at one point of time, I was so sentient about. All the time, I was so calculative and somehow selfish (which I consider now), to be praise-worthy, kind of aspiring to inspire. I was less sensitive to my flattery and compliments but overly sensitive to any bad reactions and criticisms about me because all I ever cared was to be ‘’apple of one’s eye’’. My determination was probably the major reason for my disappointments about myself. I started hating people for their complaints about me, for their opinions about me, impressions about me. People were being liked for nothing but I was disliked for not so strong reasons ( I believed at that point).

When half of my mind was filled with overthinking, half of the time I wasted defending myself because I was strongly convinced that I wasn’t one of the characters being imprinted. I had hard times overcoming this fear to be judged that I started creating a cocoon around me, my insecurities got stronger and I started being a ‘’character that I didn’t realize back then’’. Even though oftentimes I felt I should remain carefree but it haunted me in many forms. Seeing those people would remind me of the comments they passed, that demanded me to portray a certain way so that the false belief about me could change. I think no miracle happened unless one day I decided to end the dominance of strong negative emotions about me but rather embrace it, those vibes. It wasn’t good, but it was so good rather than being insecure because it made me feel I was ‘’stronger’’, ‘’I can’t let anything invade my precious life’’, I repeat again, it wasn’t easy. Even today, I am not hesitant to reveal that I do get affected by comments, by the vibes and that energy. But today somehow in an impotent way than usual. If anyone asks me a mantra to overcome this, I can’t pinpoint. Firstly, I started reading a book, I would  repeat a name of a book I had previously mentioned on my previous blog as well, ‘’THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK, throughout the book the writer actually tells you how to in fact give a fuck/care about the right things. Because I was fed up reading books from life coaches, preaching an ideal unrealistic life. Secondly, when I was in an apathetic zone I had a lot of time to reflect about myself. Thirdly, this is a funny one, I started checking comments of ‘’Social media'’, all public figures regardless of their good work, they were always bashed so inhumanely. From this, I realized many minds have many perceiving abilities, mental states, and many mouths have many voices that they use either behind the curtains or some are outspoken. Many people choose the former part widely. This acceptance of people made me value everyone, despite the comments. I have no explanation for any judgements but I am equally apologetic to all my judgements I have made, am making or might make about others too. I started being vulnerable as a person and in my social media. As a person sharing the same planet, I had no options than to be attackable to judgements but I had better approaches to deal with it and I am proud. Unapologetically, I do make mistakes (smile) everyday, I am so clumsy too.

Why do we judge ? Why does it happen ? A person minding his own business, do we even spare them ? NO, this is our heuristics and biased approaches. Judging is simply our attempt to create a hierarchy of better than/less than, superior to/inferior to others. Our automatic mind is shaped by evolution to provide a continuous assessment to survive : Is there a threat or major opportunity ? Should I approach or should I avoid ? Can I resonate with that person or should I ignore ? Situations are constantly evaluated as good or bad, requiring escape or permitting approach. A glance provides immediate impressions of many features. Psychologists have conducted  various experiments on first impressions and on how it impacted the  results on the basis of mere judgement. Since they are unavoidable I am accepting parts of the whole as it is part of human survival but I am struggling to remain wise to understand the mechanism of judgements so that I can minimize the harm on people's mental health and on my own mental health as well. I am struggling a lot on this matter ! However, I can somehow assure that I am personally growing, it doesn't matter if today it is significant or not.